To John Carll

I'm sorry.
I forgot that I was synching notes from this blog.

I never meant to tell you like that and I'm sorry that it happened the way it did. .

I know how much this hurts. I really wish I felt differently and I wish there was something I could do to make everthing better.

But I'm not God, and I can't.

I feel physically sick because of how guilty I feel and I wish that I had never posted that blog.

I'm not asking you to forgive me, because I know you won't want to right away.
I completely understand if you never want to see me again. Being "just friends"with someone for which I had feelings is the hardest thing I've ever done and I would understand if you wanted to completely shun me.

Right now, I have song lyrics running through my head, and I wish I could do better than just quote them at you.

" I once knew a girl
In the years of my youth
With eyes like the summer
All beauty and truth
In the morning I fled
Left a note and it read
Someday you will be loved.

"...each broken heart will eventually mend
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And everytime tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved"

I'm so sorry. I know that this will never make it up to you, and I wish that somehow I could.